📖 Definitions

A shared language before we continue

Before we go any further, it is important to define a few terms.
Clarity creates safety, and most harm happens when people argue ideas they have never agreed on the meaning of.

These definitions are not here to win arguments, but to ensure we are not talking past one another.

🔍 Sin
Anything that separates an individual from God, rooted in personal conscience and relational distance rather than a universal checklist.

✨ Holiness
Living set apart for God by aligning one’s heart, mind, and actions with His character through love, obedience, and truth.

🧠 Sexuality
A person’s capacity for attraction, intimacy, connection, and affection that exists beyond physical behavior.

🧭 Sexual Orientation
The pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction a person experiences, which does not inherently dictate behavior.

🕊️ Abstinence
The intentional choice to refrain from sexual activity, often for spiritual, personal, or relational reasons.

🪞 Why This Conversation Matters

There are certain conversations the Church avoids, not because Scripture is silent, but because we often lack the language, patience, and emotional maturity to hold them well.

Sexuality is one of those conversations.

Before anything else, let me be clear about my posture.

• This is not an argument 🚫

• This is not an attack 🛑

• This is not an attempt to dismantle faith ✝️

This is an offering of language, perspective, and safety 🤍 for people who genuinely love God and are trying to live honestly in His presence, without amputating parts of themselves to feel accepted.

I have lived this question.
I have studied it 🎓
I have prayed it 🙏🏾
And I have sat with God long enough to stop hiding from Him.

So let’s talk 🪑

🧠 Let’s Start With Sin

Because this is where it usually goes wrong

We cannot have a healthy conversation about sexuality and faith if we do not first define sin correctly.

📌 Sin is anything that separates an individual from God.

Sin is not:

• A cultural weapon ⚔️

• A catch-all label 🏷️

• A one-size-fits-all list 📋

Sin is personal.

📖 Scripture shows us this when Paul explains that if eating certain foods violates your conscience, then it becomes sin for you. If another person does not carry that conviction, it no longer separates them from Christ.

That tells us something important.

• Conviction is personal

• Conscience matters

• Control was never the goal

Somewhere along the way, we replaced discernment with domination and called it holiness.

🧩 Sexuality Is Not Sexual Behavior

One of the biggest failures in church conversations is the inability to separate sexuality from sexual behavior.

Let’s be honest for a moment 👀
Most people will not say it out loud, but many genuinely believe all gay people are flaming whores.

That assumption causes real harm.

Because:

• Desire ≠ behavior

• Attraction ≠ action

• Orientation ≠ promiscuity

• Commitment ≠ lust

And lived experience matters.

I grew up in holiness culture with same-sex attraction and chose abstinence, not because I was ashamed, but because I genuinely wanted God 🤍.

I did not believe I could ask Him to free me from something I was actively participating in.

So this conversation does not come from rebellion.
It comes from discipline 🧎🏾‍♂️, prayer 🙏🏾, and surrender.

🌍 God Is Bigger Than the Boxes We Put Him In

I was taught that God’s “order” was simple.

👨🏾‍🦱 + 👩🏾 = 👶🏾

But believing God can only move one way is honestly small-minded.

Most arguments around sexuality are not actually about orientation.
They are about sexual behavior, not desire, not covenant, not commitment, and not the reality that families can still be formed and children can still be raised 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

This does not remove standards.
It simply demands better conversations.

🎯 Where I Actually Stand

Let me be clear, because clarity is love 💛

I do not believe God is offended by who you love or commit to ❤️

What I do believe God cares deeply about is when people sacrifice their mind, body, and spirit 🧠🫀🕊️ just to feel validated, instead of receiving affirmation from Him.

📌 That standard applies to everyone.

Marriage does not equal holiness.
Leadership does not equal purity.
Heterosexuality does not grant exemption.

God has always cared more about posture than presentation.

🫥 Why Church Teaches Us to Hide

And God never did

One of the most damaging things church culture has done is teach people, often subtly, to hide from God.

But hiding has always been the fruit of sin.

When Adam and Eve sinned, God did not run from them.
They hid from Him 🌿

Before labels, debates, or theology wars, there is a simpler invitation.

🗣️ Go to God honestly.

Tell Him:

• Where you are

• What you have

• What you lack

• What you need

As one of my older sisters once told me:
“Just focus on living holy.”

✨ So What Is Holiness?

Let’s define it plainly, without fear or fluff.

📖 Biblical holiness is living set apart for God, aligned in heart, mind, and actions with His character through love, obedience, and truth.

Holiness is not:

• Suppression 🚫

• Pretending 🎭

• Splitting yourself into pieces ✂️

Holiness is alignment.

🍇 Salvation, Fruit, and the Problem With Policing Bodies

Salvation is not earned.
It is received 🎁

Your walk with Christ is affirmed by the fruit you produce 🍇, not the optics people project onto you.

And honestly, I do not believe people should be defined by who they sleep with 🛏️. That has always been personal business, yet somehow only certain bodies get policed 👀

This was never about holiness.
It was about control.

And the phrase “sin is sin”?
It sounds spiritual, but it lacks critical thinking and real-life application 🧠❌

🔥 A Final Word

This was never about pushing people away from God.

It was about creating a standard that is honest, consistent, and livable, one that draws people toward Christ instead of teaching them to disappear in His name.

If you are still asking questions, you are not faithless 🤍

If you are still growing, you are not disqualified 🌱

If you are still seeking God honestly, you are exactly where grace meets you ✨

We can do better.
And I believe we will.