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I Miss My Chaos 🤫⚠️

Life After Trauma Feels… Weird. 😩🔁

Nobody tells you this part.
After the healing, the therapy, the growth—you expect peace to just feel peaceful.

But for some of us, stability can feel suspicious. Like, “Why is it so quiet in here?”
That’s the silent war of post-traumatic living: learning how to rest in safety when your nervous system is still checking for threats that no longer exist.

This isn’t a step back. This is the awkward in-between.
This is where healing really gets real.

1. When Silence Feels Suspicious 🤫⚠️

If you’ve ever sat in stillness and felt your anxiety spike—you’re not crazy. You’re not paranoid. You’re just healing.

Your body’s been trained to brace for impact. Calm doesn’t equal safe yet—not to your nervous system. It needs time to unlearn what survival taught it. That means you’ll need grace, not guilt.

2. The Grief You Didn’t Expect 💔🕊️

Here’s the plot twist nobody talks about: healing comes with grief.

You’re not just releasing pain—you’re releasing the identity that came with it. The hustler. The overachiever. The “I got it by myself” you.

Letting that go can feel like betrayal, even when it’s necessary. That sadness? It’s not regression. It’s a sign that you’re growing.

3. You Outgrew the Trauma Bond 🚪✌🏾

Not every friend survives your healing arc.

Some folks only made sense when chaos was your norm. Now that you’re choosing peace, their energy feels… off.

It’s not beef—it’s boundaries.
And peace will cost you access.

4. Healing ≠ Trusting Everybody 🫱🏾‍🫲🏾🚫

Feeling safe doesn’t mean you stop discerning.

After trauma, there’s a temptation to swing into over-sharing and over-trusting. But healing also means knowing who deserves your softness.

Discernment is still divine. Boundaries are still biblical. Don’t forget to vet the vibes.

5. Success Will Scare You Too 🏆😳

We all talk about the fear of failure, but let’s be honest: success can be just as triggering.

Why? Because it puts a spotlight on the lies trauma told you:
🧠 “I’m not enough.”
🧠 “I’m an imposter.”
🧠 “This will fall apart too.”

But it won’t. You’re not faking.
You’re walking in answered prayers.

6. Who Am I Without the Pain? 🪞✨

For so long, your identity was shaped by struggle.

Now that life’s starting to stabilize… you feel disoriented.
Like you don’t recognize yourself without something to fight.

That’s normal. You’re not losing yourself. You’re finally meeting yourself.

7. Healing Is in the Habits

It’s not all crying in therapy and praying through flashbacks.

Healing looks like:
✔️ Going to bed on time
✔️ Brushing your teeth when depression says don’t
✔️ Saying “no” when you used to say “yes” out of fear
✔️ Choosing structure over sabotage

Discipline is deliverance.

8. When Joy Feels Like a Setup 🎉🛡️

If you’ve spent years in chaos, joy feels… dangerous.

Like, “Don’t get too happy, something bad is coming.”
That’s the trauma talking.

Joy is not the calm before the storm—it’s the evidence that you survived it.

Let it in.
Don’t flinch when it finally feels good.

Still on the healing journey?
Let’s walk it out together.
Text “ETS” to 📲 (803) 205-2071 for more healing convos, updates, and encouragement.

– With Love,

Nasir I. Randolph, MSW

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